How Do Parents of Human Children Do This?
I legitimately don’t know how parents of human children do this.
Over the weekend, I took my almost-2-year-old Golden Retriever, Ser Podrick (Pod for short), to his first group training class (he’s horrendous at leash walking and is extremely anxious in unfamiliar places and around unfamiliar people…can’t blame him). Packing all the proper treats in the proper bag and getting him in the car with the proper leash, all while trying not to spill my iced Cuban coffee and not be late for class, was astoundingly unsuccessful.
The dog to the right of us wanted to eat Pod for breakfast…the warmest and most welcome greeting for an already anxious pup. The parents of the dog to the left of us kept telling me how smart their dog was. (She was, but like, then why are you here?) Eventually, the trainers asked Mr. Ferocious and Ms. Perfect to leave. Not in a mean way, just like hey maybe this isn’t the right fit for your RUDE and OVERQUALIFIED dogs??? I digress.
So yay okay Pod will focus now! (Narrator: Pod did not focus now.) The new woman to my left asked me if I was wearing a Kardashian sweatshirt. (I was.) I said yes. She then asked me why? I almost responded by asking why she was wearing what one could describe as ill-fitting mauve spandex, but I called on Jesus and refrained. Then the main trainer decided to use Pod for a demonstration. Why? I don’t know. I assume because he’s beautiful. Anyway, the attempted demonstration was an absolute disaster because Pod could not stand to be away from me…an obsession I both share and enable. Yay for healthy parenting. Did I mention this dog is not food or treat motivated? (Can’t relate, but also, it makes training incredibly difficult.)
After class, I figured I’d let Pod play in the p-a-r-k next door. I don’t know why, it’s not like he earned it, but again…healthy parenting! He went for a swim in dirty water and then got humped aggressively by a Pit. We left shortly after.